i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
