All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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