i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
