a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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