just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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