It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
