piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
