ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
