We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
