Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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