you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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