i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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