Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This baby is an asshole
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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