I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
