im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize