Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
