it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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