Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..