Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s