You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.