My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.