Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
