I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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