I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
