May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
