I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
