Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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