I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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