My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
