If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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