Tell her she can't have a vagina
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
