Sponge bath it is.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
