If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
