Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
