ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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