five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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