Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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