so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
