if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
