i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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