so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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