I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
