So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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