Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
