my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
