I feel like I'm in dance class right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
