He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
