I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
