trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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