great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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