dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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