He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
