so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
