If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
