I faked an abortion last night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
