When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
