Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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