omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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