don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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