I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
