Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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