I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
