Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
