Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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