so that wasnt chicken after all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
