did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
