Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
