The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
