You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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