I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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