she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
